im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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