Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
