my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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