At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
