Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
