I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
