I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My ATM looks so different sober.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
