Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
