it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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