1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
