I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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