i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
