I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
