my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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