Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
