So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
