then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
