I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
