Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize