I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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