Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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