Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
