can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
