no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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