the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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