its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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