Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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