I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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