Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
