did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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