id be glad to
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
