I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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