just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
