Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
