A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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