The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize