I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
