careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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