I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You can't just leave with hair like that
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
