my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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