I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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