I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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