i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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