My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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