Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
