Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
