i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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