Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I pour the whiskey from now on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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