I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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