everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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