she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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