im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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