No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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