best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
