i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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