Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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