This is not my ceiling
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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