I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
