This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
