whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
