Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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