with your own penis?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
