I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
