Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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