I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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