My liver just broke up with me...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
