Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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