Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
