____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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