We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't put those talents on a resume
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
