Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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