Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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