Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize