So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
