There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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