I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
