The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
