you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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