I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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