Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
